Why does it become so serious?

(When we just wanna have fun)

As a small business owner, I often spend a lot of my time doing fairly serious and ultimately necessary things. Emails, social media marketing, financial accounts, checking website SEO/various analytics, and other quite frankly dull-but-essential small biz tasks. It’s so easy to get swept up in all of that and forget to take your head out of the Serious Sand.

And take a breath.

Breathe in…

and out…

Actually, when was the last time I had fun with illustration? I mean real fun, where you draw just for the hell of it, without thinking there has to be an illustration I can show or use at the end of it all? Or where I’ve got to try and find my desk tripod so I can film it and make a slick looking Reel that will probably die a death on my other social medias. Let's face it - we all know social media is a micro-glimpse of someone's day, likely orchestrated for a purpose. There is nothing wrong with that, we all do it. But I am not someone who wakes up, makes a coffee, and then goes to sit by a window to draw. So when was the last time I painted or sketched for fun?

To be honest readers, I actually can't remember. And that makes me sad.

All the reasons I decided to study art and ultimately illustration in the first place were because it filled my cup. I mean truly filled it, to the point where it often would cause it to overflow with ideas, excitement, and sheer energy.

That's it, isn't it - it’s the energy.

Energy in my work and ideas. Energy in how I use materials and play with textures and colours. All too often, if you attach any kind of business model or financial pressure to that, it dulls it down and makes it serious. I know it doesn't have to - and there are plenty of people saying it shouldn’t - but it can do.

Why though? Why does it become so serious that often a lot of the fun gets pushed to the sidelines in return for spreadsheets, Google analytics, and seemingly endless failed pitches for work? (That is a whole other story on its own).

I would love to say that I make time for fun, and creative play, but I just can't always manage it, and that is the harsh reality. Some days I get too consumed in everything else to remember to take a breath, pause, and then play in a sketchbook. Who wouldn't love half an hour every morning to mess around in a sketchbook? Of course, I could plan this into my day, and I know plenty who do, and there is nothing stopping me. But it's just not how my brain flows.

Every morning I wake up, my brain wants to tackle the dull stuff first. Naturally, I am tuned to the finer details, I am a perfectionist in everything I do, and it is a handy attribute to have - especially when you run a business. But the compromise is that I obsess and stress about those details - whether they are ‘right enough’, and as a result, the need to tackle the dull tasks first comes from the necessity of needing enough time to do it. It sometimes will take me a frankly laughable amount of time to reply to a simple email - because my brain goes, “the details Abby, the details!”.

So, the emails, the admin and checking those formidable Etsy customer messages (I still have mild anxiety from 2020-2021 and the ferocious messages I would receive about orders not arriving or being lost, or the constant demands from customers) has to be done first. If I leave it until later in the day, the anxiety of them sitting there in my inbox with open tabs and notes in my diary is just too great, and I can’t concentrate on anything else.

I am no psychologist, but I think my brain needs to give the ‘all clear’ before it can even contemplate any kind of fun. It has to give itself permission! As I type that out, I realise how ridiculous that sounds. If you don’t know me personally or professionally, I am making myself sound like I am the most boring and serious person who lacks all spontaneity, but that is just how it is. I guess it is a way of calming my anxiety, reducing the pressure, reassuring myself, and giving myself a pat on the back to say “the coast is clear, you can cross the road to the fun side”.

So you see, the dull has to be done first, and the fun can come after. When I can make time for fun, I open every blank page in all the sketchbooks I’m currently working in, get as many materials out as I can fit on my desk, and go for it! I should also try to remember that I need to wear my painting apron, because it can get a little messy…it's the energy!

If I am feeling a tad rusty, then drawing something simple like the plant in front of my desk takes away the complications of needing a subject matter and a composition. It is simple in form which means I can then concentrate on my mark-making and colour play.

I often do that by the way - make the subject matter something easy. I find it far more relaxing and freeing to play if the subject is mundane. Simply, it takes the pressure away. If there is pressure, it makes experimentation just that little bit harder - for me at least. My brain naturally likes to overfill itself, over-evaluate and absorb everything, because it's obsessive sometimes and highly sensitive. I meant the latter in a technically psychological sense, and again that is a story for another day as I am still learning what exactly that means overall for me. So anything I can do to mitigate those things is always going to help on the days it is feeling particularly sensitive or stressed.

I guess that is how I need to have more fun and be less ‘business serious’. Make sure I do my ‘tick-list’ first, and then I am free to decide what to do with the rest of my day. I am sure anyone who expresses themselves creatively will always want more time for fun, and let's face it, getting that balance right will be a juggling act. I am over a decade into self-employment - nearly 8 of those without any second job - and I am still working things out.

Clearly another reminder if you need one that, more often than not, making a start and learning as you go is always better than trying to perfect everything and waiting for exactly the right time. There won’t be one, and I promise you can get a lot of satisfaction from the fulfilment that self-employment and owning your own business can give you. Ultimately, if you know how you work best, then whatever way you can find fun will be right for you.

Do tell me how you make time for the fun stuff and what you get up to! Include any and all tips would be brilliant to share. I can guarantee there are others who also feel a bit stuck or like they’re in a loop, but are unsure of what to ask or how to go about making a change - me included!

For now, though, I’ve just seen an Etsy message pop up… better set aside at least 15 minutes to reply to that!

Oh, and breathe…